


Mistletoe

by Yuachii



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Christmas Party, F/M, Fake Dating, I Tried, Lots of kissing, actually most of the cast are little shits, also allen is a little shit, i think this is my longest oneshot, i'm just transferring stuff from tumblr don't mind me, lavilena is cute, let's have a christmas fic in april l m a o, shenanigans by like half the cast, silly babs kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-18 16:33:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10620810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yuachii/pseuds/Yuachii
Summary: When you have to pretend to be in a fake relationship with your girlfriend in order to appease her overprotective brother, Christmas can be a bit of a hassle.  Especially when all your friends are in on the secret and are alsoassholes.Alternatively, “In Which Lavi Seriously Fears For His Continued Existence”.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this was written for the 2016 dgm secret santa for elesseto on tumblr! The prompt was “lavilena. fluffy or bittersweet, can be in verse or AU.” Just reposting my shit from tumblr for the community, don't mind me~

“Lena, he’s going to kill me.  This is the end!  My final moments!  The—”  
  
Lenalee shoved him through the door in response, and Lavi barely remained upright as he stumbled through, laughing.  “Hey, hey!  My lovely Lenalee, don’t be so rough with your poor…er…” He trailed off, the playful grin dropping into a grimace as fear flashed across his features.  “Ah…morning, Komui.”  
  
“Good morning, Lavi - and Lenalee!”  Komui leapt to his feet, delighted tears springing to his eyes as he darted out from behind the desk and flung himself at Lenalee.  "My dear sister, did you bring me coffee again today?  Ah, I’m so lucky to have such a sweet, thoughtful little—"  
  
Lenalee, hurriedly ducking away from her brother’s enthusiastic embrace, swiveled around to shove the mug of coffee into his hands.  Lavi coughed pointedly.  The Exorcists had all learned by now that it was best to cut off Komui’s spiel before he could really get going.    
  
Komui took a sip of his coffee, closing his eyes blissfully, and Lavi felt his nerves flare up again.    
  
“Ahhh…So, Lavi, did you need something? It’s rather unusual for you to show up like this.”  
  
“Yes!  Well. Is it that unusual?  I don’t find it that odd, really. I came down here…um… last week, didn’t I?  To look for some papers?  And before that—”  
  
“Did you need something, then?”  
  
“Well, no.  Yes!  Sort of.”  
  
_So eloquent, Bookman._  Lavi shifted uncomfortably under Komui’s increasingly intense scrutiny, glancing around nervously.  It was Lenalee’s exasperated expression that forced him to summon up his courage and continue.  
  
“Actually, Komui, it’s about the Christmas party tonight.”

Komui raised an eyebrow, and Lavi tried to inconspicuously wipe away the beads of nervous sweat he could feel forming on his forehead.  Somehow, he doubted that he’d succeeded.

After a few moments of silence, Lavi pushed on, bracing himself.

“Komui, I’d like to ask your permission to take Lenalee as my date.”

_Three…two…now!_

Lavi dodged to the side, but a moment too late – really, the sheer speed with which Komui had him pressed against a wall with a drill against his throat was worthy of an Exorcist.  Ordinarily, Lavi might have questioned where the man had pulled that from, but at the moment, his mind was rather occupied.  Komui looked angrier and more terrifying than Lavi had ever seen him, and suddenly, his half-joking remarks to Lenalee about her brother’s more murderous tendencies seemed quite a bit more serious.  
  
“Your glasses are falling off,” Lavi pointed out in a feeble attempt at distraction, eyeing the drill warily. It was true, too; in Komui’s crazed lunge at him, his glasses had slid down to the end of his nose, and moments after Lavi spoke, they clattered to the floor.  
  
Komui, apparently, did not find his tip helpful.  

_Okay, so Plan A: Run Before Komui Technically Says No is a bust.  Plan B it is.  
_

“I can explain! Please don’t kill me yet, there’s a good reason why I’m asking, I swear!”

Komui’s grip didn’t slacken, but the rage in his eyes seemed to diminish, which was _probably_ not just wishful thinking, so Lavi hurried on.  

“You see, Lenalee is, of course, the most beautiful woman in the Order.”

“Of course,” Komui agreed, his eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“She is also one of the _only_ women in the Order.”

“Are you implying that she’s only the most beautiful because—”

Lavi gulped.  “No! Of course not!  Lenalee’s beauty is beyond any measure, really!  No, it’s just… that means there’s a rather high percentage of _men_ in the Order, doesn’t it?”

_If Komui doesn’t kill me, Lenalee might, for this…_

Komui was silent,  so Lavi continued.  “Men who, at a party, might be drinking alcohol and taking leave of their senses?  Men who might try to take advantage of a pretty, single woman and–”

“No! I won’t allow it!“

“But if they thought she had a _boyfriend_ , then don’t you think they’d steer clear?”

Komui froze.  “I mean… I could protect her…”

_Be innocent, Bookman, he’s almost there!_

“But won’t you have a lot to do? Please, let _me_ take care of Lenalee.  I promise not to let _anything_ happen to her.”

He was not, it turned out, ‘almost there’. It took almost an hour to convince Komui, but when they did, Lavi found himself being hugged by the sobbing director of the European Branch, called ‘such a kind boy’ and made to promise for another half hour that Lenalee would be safe before he was able to extract himself and flee with his _official date_ from the office.

When they were a sufficient distance from the office, Lenalee turned to him, raising one eyebrow in a manner eerily reminiscent of her brother.

“So.   _Men who_ _might try to take advantage of a pretty—_ ”

“Oh, shut up,” Lavi groaned.  “I know you can handle yourself, Lena, but it _worked,_ didn’t it?”

“I don’t like lying to him.”  

_I don’t like_ dying _, either._  But he couldn’t deny that Lenalee had a point.  “We will tell him, okay?  And soon.  I just think it’ll go a bit better if he’s had time to get used to the idea of us together, y’know what I mean?  Prove to him that I won’t hurt you, and all.”  Lenalee still looked uncertain, so Lavi slowed to a stop, taking her hand.  “Hey… I _promise_ we’ll tell him, Lena.  By the new year, for sure.”

She smiled, then, relief flashing across her face, and Lavi resigned himself to his imminent doom.  

“Thanks, Lavi,” she whispered, flinging herself at him for a tight hug.  “I love you.”     

“Love you too.”

A set of rapid footsteps echoing down the hallways made them spring apart – only to relax as a familiar head of snow-white hair came into view.

“Yo, Allen!”

Allen slowed, looking up at him, and Lavi was immediately distracted by the sadness in his eyes.  

“…What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing!”  The frown was wiped away, replaced with a smile so natural that Lavi almost believed it was real.  “Did I interrupt something?  Oh, did you talk to Komui? How’d it go?  Did you end up using my idea?”

“Yeah, it worked, we’re going together – but hey, Allen, are you doing okay?”   _That’s right, I almost forgot, Christmas is…_ He caught Lenalee’s worried gaze, and they moved as one to envelop their startled friend in a hug.

“Wha— _guys!_ I’m fine, come on - _ow!_ ”  

Lavi snorted, ruffling the soft, white hair where Lenalee had just smacked him.  “Can’t lie to us, short stuff.  Now—”

“Let go or Komui finds out you two were kissing in the fourth training room.”

Lavi squawked and leaped back as if burned, and Allen was able to squirm out of Lenalee’s slackened grip, looking pleased with himself.  

“I hope you know that you are despicable,” Lavi remarked casually, getting a laugh from both his companions.

“Ehh, I thought you figured that out _ages_ ago – not very observant for a Bookman, are you?”  

The friendly banter continued all the way to the cafeteria – and Lavi would forever deny deliberately letting them get lost to give them more time – where they left Allen with a large pile of food and, if not a better mood, then at least sufficient distraction.

“He’ll be alright, won’t he?”

Lavi stretched, crossing his arms behind his head as they walked.  “I think so, yeah.  He had that spark back in his eyes, y’know?  Besides, I think he just needed to remember that he’s not alone anymore.  What?” He added defensively, as he glanced over at Lenalee’s slack-jawed expression. “I can be sensitive, Lena!”

“Apparently.” She still looked surprised, but Lavi thought he saw a flicker of pride in her eyes – which was enough to make warmth well up in his chest.

_My heart,_ he might have thought – but Bookmen didn’t have hearts.   _You do anyway._

_Shut up_ , he told himself, then felt like an idiot.

When he looked up, Lenalee was watching him, looking a bit concerned.  

“…Lavi? Were you listening?”

“Ah…”

She huffed, squeezing his hand lightly.  “I was just saying that I should probably go get ready for the party.  Where should we meet?”

“Lena, there’s _five hours_ until the party.  How much time do you even _need?_ ”

“About five hours,” she teased, leaning in for a quick kiss.  “Although, I’m sure you could persuade me to make it four…”

“Don’t tempt me, Lena – I should go, too.  If I don’t get all my work done for that old panda, he won’t let me go to the party at all. Meet you at your room?”

He felt bad disappointing her, but it was true: Bookman had threatened exactly that only days before, and Lavi knew better than to dismiss such a threat.  

“Ah, alright.  One kiss?“

In lieu of an answer, Lavi ran a hand through her hair, gently tipping her head back as he descended upon her soft, warm lips, his eyes falling nearly closed.  Her lips parted easily to his probing tongue, and he felt a light tug to his hair as her slender fingers tangled into it.  The kiss was gentle, their tongues sliding and dancing smoothly against each other, even as her grip tightened until it was nearly painful.  When they broke apart, it was regretfully, slowly, and they remained pressed together – foreheads brushing, chests pressed tightly together, one of his legs between hers – and he felt blood rush to his face – and a certain other part of his body – at the position.  

_Down, boy._

“I’ll see you soon,” he whispered, but neither of them made any move to leave for another few minutes.  Finally, though, he had to pull away, and with one last, longing look, he left, dragging his feet and glancing back over his shoulder until she was long out of sight.  He was almost to his and Bookman’s room when it occurred to him to duck into a nearby bathroom to fix his hair and clothes – and splash some of the freezing water on his face in lieu of a cold shower before heading to work.

“Oi, gramps, I’m back!” he called as he entered the room and flopped into a chair.  

“Back from _where_ , exactly?”

“Just talking to Allen,” he lied, flipping open a book and starting his transcriptions.

“Aren’t you getting a little too attached to these Exorcists?  To a Bookman—“

“Ink on paper, I know.  I won’t let you down, gramps.”  The lie burned in his throat, but he kept his head down and tried to focus on his work.

“Hm.  We’ll see,” Bookman muttered, and the rest of the time passed in silence.

It took Lavi a solid four hours to complete his work for the day – well, that and the pile he’d been putting off for a while – but it was all done, and even that hard-nosed panda couldn’t find a reason for him not to go to the party.  He barely had time to shower and change into his stupidly uncomfortable suit before it was time, and he ran out the door with barely a goodbye, racing down the halls on the fastest route to Lenalee’s room.

He had that memorized because of reasons that he would never, _ever_ be letting certain overprotective brothers and heartless old men know about.

When he arrived and caught sight of her, he froze in the middle of the hallway, his mouth dropping open.  Her hair was done up in some sort of complicated, pinned-up braid, and skirt of her deep green dress was long and flowing, the top tight against her body.

“Uh…wow.  Lenalee, you look…beautiful.”

She seemed to swell with happiness, and rushed over to him, her skirt swishing against the floor.  As soon as she was close enough, he grabbed her around the waist and spun her around in the air, making her squeal in delighted surprise.  When he put her down, he didn’t remove his hands, instead tugging her closer.   She wrapped her arms around him, leaning into his chest, and Lavi returned it easily, savoring the moment.  He loved Lenalee’s embraces – tight and warm, but not suffocating, her tiny hands brushing across his back, the way she fit so perfectly into his arms… he would be perfectly happy to stay in those moments forever.

Eventually they had to part, though, and he sighed, already missing that sensation.  “The party’s probably already starting,” he said regretfully, taking her hand.  “Shall we?”

She nodded, standing up a little straighter, and hurried ahead, tugging he redhead along behind.

When they arrived, though, Komui was yelling at a group of Finders, gesturing wildly to a bundle of mistletoe hanging from the ceiling.

“Completely irresponsible! What do you think would happen if my lovely Lenalee stumbled upon such a thing?!  Are you really willing to take responsibility for—“

Lenalee rolled her eyes, grabbing an empty platter from the table to hit her brother over the head with.  "You don’t have to take down the mistletoe, _brother_ , I promise I’ll be careful.“  
  
“Yeah, I won’t let our Lena get trapped under that _awful_ mistletoe,” Lavi assured him, fighting back a grin.  A few more promises had Komui backing off, still grumbling, and the party began. There was enough food to satisfy even the Parasitic-type Exorcists, more alcohol than was probably considered responsible, beautiful music in the background, and almost every Exorcist, Finder, scientist, and other staff in the Order.

In other words, it was glorious, hilarious chaos.  Lavi turned around to ask Lenalee for a dance, and nearly choked at the sight of her halfway across the room, scolding a sulking Timothy and dragging him away from the alcohol to deposit him next to General Nyne.  When he caught up with her, she looked rather disgruntled.

“Honestly, that boy needs to learn how to behave.  Alcohol, at his age?  If the General doesn’t keep an eye on him, I swear…”

Lavi pretended not to notice the bottle of wine on the table in front of the aforementioned General.  If Lenalee hadn’t seen it, he wasn’t going to be the one to enlighten her.  

Later, Lavi supposed he was just lucky that Komui had stepped out to check on how Jeryy was doing with the puddings when _it_ happened.    
  
"Lena, have you tried the mince pies yet?  They’re really— _watch it!_ ”  
  
That last was addressed to Kanda, who had stepped back at just the wrong moment - Lavi had to do an awkward twirl in place to avoid crashing into him, and as it was, he barely kept his balance.  Kanda barely spared him a glance, but Lavi caught sight of an even fiercer scowl than normal.  
  
“You watch it, you stupid rabbit!”  
  
“Ah, Yuu is so cruel to me…” Laughing, Lavi ducked the retaliating slash of Mugen, but stumbled back and fell to avoid the second strike, a jab to the stomach.  "Okay, okay, fine!  Geez, somebody’s not getting into the Christmas spirit…“  
  
"If Christmas spirit means dealing with your stupidity, I don’t want any part of it.”  With that, he stalked off, and Lavi snorted, leaning back on his hands and looking innocently up at Lenalee.  "He’s so violent, isn’t he?“  
  
"Sometimes I think you have a death wish.”   Still, she was laughing as she helped him up.  Lavi laughed too, tossing his head back - and froze, his eyes widening.  “Ah, Lena…”

“What?”

He pointed upwards, and watched as Lenalee’s face tinted pink.  

“…That’s…not holly.”

“How observant of you,” Lavi said, trying not to sound as nervous as he felt.  “Well, tradition is tradition, I guess…”

And he leaned in, planting a soft kiss at the corner of her mouth and pulling back – just in time, as Komui entered the room again, clearly searching for his sister.  As an afterthought, Lavi grabbed the offending sprig and stuffed it in his pocket, trying to brush off the incident with a grin.

“So, how about a dance, my lovely lady?”

Lenalee’s resulting smile was radiant, and Lavi dragged her out to the center of the floor, putting an arm around her waist and taking her hand with the other.  Unfortunately, as they twirled around the dance floor, they had to maintain a careful distance, and really, Lavi wasn’t particularly fond of dancing – but the happiness swirling among the reflected lights in her eyes made it more than worthwhile. 

After a few songs, the floor started to get crowded, so the two of them found their way to the wall for a break. Lavi reached out to gently play with a loose lock of her hair, a soft smile tugging at his lips.  “You look beautiful, you know.”

He was pleased to see a blush spread across her cheeks.  “You’ve said that already.”

“I remember.  I just thought it needed to be said again.”

She seemed lost for words then, making Lavi smirk a bit.

At that moment, Allen staggered out of the crowd, one hand clamped over a glass of eggnog.  “Crazy in here, isn’t it? How are you two lovebirds doing?”

_“Shhh!”_

“Right, sorry.  Speaking of which, nice trick with the mistletoe, it really made it look like you were only kissing out of obligation.  Oh, yeah, and watch out for the light fixtures,” he added, the picture of innocence as he pointed to one hanging just above them and strolled away.

As one, the pair looked up, and Lavi, shielding his eye, was the first to spot a single leaf and white berry nestled among the lights.

“Oh, come on, it’s tiny – does that even count?”

“Well, you have to give credit for creativity, I never would’ve suspected…”

Lavi gulped, looking around, then grabbed her hand and bowed deeply, kissing the back and then grinning up at her.  “That counts, right?   _Credit for creativity?”_

She rolled her eyes, swatting him lightly over the head but nodding in acceptance. When Lavi looked, he was unsurprised to see a distinct look of disappointment on several faces around them.  

“Let’s maybe stand over _there_ ,” Lavi suggested, gesturing over to a bare stretch of wall.  Lenalee nodded rapidly, hurrying around the edges of the room to avoid the dancers, and steering clear of the lights as they did.  

“Stay here for a minute,” Lavi whispered, looking around suspiciously.  There were no visible leaves, but the wall had a few ledges just above sight level, so he carefully swept a hand over them, knocking a large sprig off of each.  He kicked them away, scowling.  “Should be safe now, Lena!”

“My hero,” she replied, chuckling as she joined him.  “Working so hard to protect my honor…”

“Well, I don’t _want_ to die, y’know.”

She laughed lightly, so Lavi pouted, dramatically widening his eyes and wobbling his lower lip.  “I mean it, Lena! Your brother’s _terrifying!_ Have you _seen_ him with that drill?  Or those horrifying robots?  I’m not getting in the way of that!”

“Oh, scared of my big brother, are you?”

“Absolutely! Honestly, that man’s—

“Hey, guys, look!” 

Lavi choked on his words at the sudden exclamation, whirling around.  
  
Allen was back, a strange smile plastered across his face as he pointed to the air above Lavi, who took a long, deep breath before turning to look.    
  
_“…Lau Jimin?!”_  
  
The monkey chattered loudly, as if in acknowledgement, from its perch on a previously empty ledge above them, waving it’s tail - and the mistletoe hanging from it.  
  
_So, apparently, the universe wants me dead._  
  
Lenalee gasped, reaching up.  "Oh, you poor thing, did you get that stuck to your tail?  Here, let me help…“  
  
"Ah, don’t do that, Lenalee!”  
  
Both she and Lavi looked over at Allen, whose smile didn’t falter. Lavi knew what he was going to say a moment before the younger boy opened his mouth -  
  
“You’ve gotta kiss first!”  
  
_Damn it, I think I preferred you when you were sulking, you little beansprout…_  
  
Allen’s voice carried across the room, and a few smirking faces turned in their direction.  Lavi risked a glance over at Komui, who was being held back by Reever, and… was he frothing at the mouth?   _Not good, so not good, why did I think this was a good idea?_  Slowly, he leaned over to press a light kiss to her temple, pulling back as quickly as possible.   _Think platonic thoughts, Bookman._ When he looked around, he thought he caught a glimpse of blue hair ducking out from under a table and a suspicion started growing in his mind, but he was distracted by Lenalee‘s velvet-soft lips pressing against his jaw.

“What?” She grinned at his surprise.  “Who says it has to be the man doing the kissing?  Now come on, they just brought out the pudding!”

“Pudding?  Allen looked disoriented for a moment, glancing around, then grinned widely.  “Yeah, I’m hungry, that sounds great!”  He dashed off before Lavi could comment on his odd behavior, and Lenalee shrugged and followed.

Lavi was beginning to feel paranoid as they ducked around light fixtures and dancers, half-expecting one of them to suddenly produce more of that _cursed plant_ just to make his life more complicated.  In the end, he refused to go near the end of the table with the puddings, catching sight of some green in the rafters, so Allen acquiesced and brought them a bowl of pudding each.

“Um, Lavi?”  
  
Lenalee was looking at something above him, and Lavi closed his eyes for a moment, setting his bowl back down on the table.  
  
“Please tell me you’re joking.”  
  
Her lips twitched up into a helpless little grin, and Lavi sighed.  When he finally collected himself enough to look, he had to blink a few times, wondering if he was finally going mad - but no, that mistletoe was, in fact, floating in midair above them.  He leaned to the side, unsure what he expected to happen, and it followed his movement.  
  
This was the moment when Lavi confirmed that something was up.  
  
“Lena, I do believe the mistletoe likes us a little too much today,” he muttered as he leaned in to give her an awkward peck on the cheek.  As he did, his eyes scanned the room - there!  Next to a large group of clearly inebriated Finders, Marie was sitting with Tiedoll and Miranda, the latter of whom was watching them carefully and whispering into Marie’s ear.  When he stood and narrowed his eyes at her, she visibly jumped, grabbing Marie’s hand in fright.   _Inconspicuous, you are not._  
  
“Let’s get out of here before your brother has an aneurysm.” 

Of course, it wasn’t that easy – the pair of them found themselves stopped by that _ridiculous_ mistletoe three more times, Komui’s face growing redder with each one, before they were able to escape into the hallway.  They stared at each other for a few seconds, then burst out laughing, clinging to each other to keep from falling over as they made their way down the long halls of Headquarters.  
  
“Were they even _trying_ to be subtle?”

“That last one was my fault, I should’ve noticed the one in the doorway…”

“Allen and Timothy looked _so_ smug, I bet they planned that together, the little brats! We’re so getting back at them, Lena, this isn’t optional! They took ten years off my life!”

Despite his words, Lavi was still doubled over with laughter until Lenalee stopped suddenly and faced him leaning up against the wall as they both got their breathing under control.

“What’s up?”

Lenalee smiled then, a mischievous, cheerful grin so reminiscent of his own that Lavi stared.  
  
“What, you didn’t think I’d be satisfied with your little performance in there, did you?  By my count, you owe me seven proper kisses, _Lavi_ \- and you’d better make them count.”  
  
A wide, crooked grin spread across Lavi’s face, and he leaned in close, until his nose brushed against hers.  "Don’t mind if I do,“ he breathed in her ear, relishing in her shiver.  
  
Maybe he wouldn’t have to kill the others for this after all.


End file.
